Should you invite someone who has recently had a miscarriage or trouble conceiving?

This is not as much a question of baby shower etiquette as it is a question of personal sensitivity. It really depends upon the person, how recent the loss, and the relationship to the mom. A close sister might be downright offended if she wasn’t invited, while another wouldn’t have the courage to face two hours of nothing but talk about babies and pregnancy. If in doubt, call or talk in private first. Ask her to be candid with you and ensure her that there will be no hard feelings if she would rather not attend.

Daddy-to-be wants to come. Is that ok?

Absolutely proper according to baby shower etiquette. Have you noticed that most of today’s mothers-to-be say “we’re pregnant?” Fathers today tend to take a more active role in raising children. It’s quite common to have a co-ed shower, or even a Dad’s only shower that is held in a sports bar or cookout.

Can I give a surprise shower?

If the question is regarding if it is proper to give a surprise shower according to baby shower etiquette, yes it is. If you are questioning whether the shower you are giving should be a surprise, that’s one you should talk over with the new mother’s family. Some people downright hate to be surprised.

You should also check the guest list over with a family member. You wouldn’t want to overlook someone who should be invited, and likewise, you don’t want to invite someone that is not on good terms with the mommy-to-be.

One caveat; give the shower before the birth not after. If the new mother hasn’t heard a word of a shower, and she’s given birth…well, you know how hormones can mix up with emotions. She may just think no one cared enough to give her a shower and be very depressed for no reason.

If the family knows the new mother would love a surprise, then go with it. It will be fun to see her face.

Should favors be given?

In some parts of the country, it is common practice. In other parts, the refreshments and fun is all that is expected. Ask friends to see what has been done about favors to showers they have attended. If you do give favors, they are usually something inexpensive such as a candle, a nice soap, or lip gloss.

Should you give a shower for an adopted baby?

To NOT give a shower just because the baby is adopted would surely be bad baby shower etiquette. My daughter was my third child, and she was adopted. There’s no reason to not have a shower for an adopted child. The parents love an adopted child as much as a biological child, so celebrate their new fortune with them.

You should wait to have the shower until the child is actually placed with the parents. I know from experience that things can go wrong at the last minute, and that can be as devastating as “losing a child” or having a miscarriage.

When sending out invitations, try to find ones that refer to adoption. You should make sure all the guests know before the shower that the child was adopted. Just that common courtesy thing again.

Games at this type of shower are truly optional. Depending upon the age of the new arrival, he or she just might be enough entertainment for everyone.